who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
