Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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