would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
