You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
