I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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