Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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