If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
