I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
