Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
