Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
