They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
