Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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