im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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