I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He better not be in your backpack
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
