is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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