Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
