My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
