Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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