I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
