is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize