I'm going to jail i love you
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
