I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The beer is more important than you right now.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize