I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
