if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
