my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
