Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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