So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
