Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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