ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
being pregnant is like rehab
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
That accounts for only three of the penises
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
