the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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