Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize