It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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