It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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