Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
