sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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