Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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