Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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