mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
