This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Randomize
