hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
