So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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