This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
