Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
