We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
