just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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