She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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