You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
