Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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