Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
