I could have mohawked her pubes.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize