You smell like stripper and shame
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
