I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
