that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I deserve this hangover.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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