I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Found the puke drawer
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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