The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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