My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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