Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
