Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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