whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
