Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
