evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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