You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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