I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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