Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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