so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
