a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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