hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
