3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
