In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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