Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
