I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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