My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
