If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
