"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
