I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I didn't notice because vodka
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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