I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
