Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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