I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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