I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I still have a little drunk in my system
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
