Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think I am morally bankrupt
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
