so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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