Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
