Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
