BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
