i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
