What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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