Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
