I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
