A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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