M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
