nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
