Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
