I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
