i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
